We are having another little girl! I'm due mid-September and we couldn't be more excited. It's been a long journey for sure. We had another loss in early December and were ready to throw in the towel and accept our future as a family of three... but God had other plans. We conceived this little miracle naturally and unexpectedly right before Christmas. I was pregnant and didn't even know it yet when I wrote that last blog post! After over two years of losses and unsuccessful fertility treatments involving pills, shots, tests, procedures and crazy side effects... this little princess was just waiting for the right time. Feeling her moving and watching her grow is an amazing experience and it's flying by! I can't believe that in a few short days this pregnancy will already be halfway over. I want time to slow down but at the same time I can't wait to hold her in my arms. All testing and scans have been perfect so far and she's a strong little wiggle worm already. Abby is beyond excited and happy to be having a little sister. She is going to be the absolute best big sister. That's all for now... I just wanted to post a quick update since I've been neglecting my poor blog for so long. Expect many gratuitous baby pictures in a few short months! <3
Here are some highlights from the second half of 2013:
This post is dated incorrectly and I can't fix it. Today's date is July 24, 2013.
Have you ever been so down about something that it becomes physically hard to breathe? There is an actual physical ache in your chest, your stomach is upset and the pressure is becoming unbearable. I never knew what people meant when they said that.... until today when there was only one line on the pregnancy test. Two years later and I should be used to that by now, right? Except that this was the cycle where we really gave it our all... hundreds of dollars, giving myself shots and pills and other medications, dealing with horrible side effects that would hopefully be worth it, an iui procedure... our numbers were perfect and our chances were doubled with the release of two follicles instead of the normal one. The doctor said "see you soon with that positive test!" This was it. This had to be it. We agreed to go all in this cycle and if it failed... accept defeat. I was dreaming of twins, our daughter was dreaming of a sister, my husband probably secretly hoping for a son. I knew that we wouldn't be "safe" until I saw a heartbeat up on that screen, after three early losses I was prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for complete and utter failure. A negative test after going through hell and doing everything you can do when according to countless tests there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU ANYWAY is a special kind of pain. The worst part is that I don't know how to let it go. It's in my soul and with me 24 hours a day. As long as hope flickers, I can't let it go, but I need to move on so that I can be wholly myself again. Writing has always been a great release for me, so hopefully putting some of my feelings down here will help me let go of them. I'm already breathing just a little easier.