So I haven't blogged in a few weeks. It's because something is wrong... and I'm not quite sure what. I know part of it is that I'm suffering from some cabin fever (aka seasonal depression). It has been a looooong, cold, grey winter and I NEED some sunshine and outside fun. I daydream of laying out back on the lounge chair, reading a book, while Abby and Roxie frolick in the sprinkler and water table. I can't wait!
The other part of it is that I think I'm over-complicating my life by trying to compensate for the lack of time that I get to myself. I feel like I've lost touch with what makes me Nicole. I'm so busy trying to be the best mom, wife, christian, employee, friend, housekeeper, etc that I have nothing left to help me be the best Nicole. All of those things do make up who I am... but what would I have left without them? At this point, pretty much nothing. I've started to lose interest in things that I enjoy and have been feeling kind of robotic lately. I know the right things to say and the right things to do... so I just do them.
No more though! I'm going to take action to pep myself back up and hopefully avoid MORE medication. I've started simplifying my life and concentrating on what's important and what I enjoy.
1. I've temporarily pulled out of all regularly scheduled activities that take up time after work or on weekends. Working full time and raising a two year old is enough. My sanity can't handle extra classes or meetings, our lack of available babysitters, etc. Hopefully I'll get back to them again when Abby is a little older.
2. I'm trying to cut down on my multi-tasking. I take on too much at once and don't give my full attention to anything. I'm going to do one thing at a time so that each task has my full attention and isn't overwhelming.
3. I'm going to try and avoid my "stress triggers". I'm going to keep on top of keeping our living spaces clean and organized at all times, because the clutter and mess stresses me out, and in turn when things are messy, I'm crabby, and everyone suffers. I'm also going to attempt (husband: notice that I said ATTEMPT) to keep more on top of chores like laundry so that they don't build up until I have 4 loads to do in one day and hubby has no clean work clothes. I'm also not going to freak out if I don't attain this goal. The clothes EVENTUALLY get clean and nobody has left the house naked yet.
4. I'm going to de-clutter and get rid of a bunch of stuff. I'll admit it... I'm a pack rat. However, we don't have a large enough house for me to keep hoarding everything! I'll make some yard sale boxes and throw them in the shed until someone has a sale.
5. I'm going to demand that I get more me time. I'm going to make myself understand that reading on the couch while Abby plays next to me doesn't count... I'm still on edge and in mommy mode and not really relaxing like I deserve. I DESERVE! And when I do get this time to myself I'm going to savor it. I was getting my hair done the other day and instead of relaxing and daydreaming I spent the whole time thinking about what needed to be cleaned, what needed to be paid, what needed to be done, what messes were being made at home while I was gone, etc.
6. I'm getting back on track with things I do enjoy! More homemade meals and less convenience food. I love cooking and I'm good at it... and it's much healthier for my family.
So to sum everything up, I'm working on making mom happy again. As someone once said... "Nobody is happy if Mom's not happy".